Happy Birthday tWIstEd
by awfullybad
Summary: A short story written to honor the one year anniversary of my DS Cute fanfiction, Harvest Moon tWIstEd. If you read tWIstEd, please enjoy this story. If you don't read tWIstEd, you might still like this. Laughs are guaranteed!


A/N: This was written for June 1st. On June 1st 2008, this story started. So this is a celebration of it being alive for over a year. :3 (Even though it's already the July 14th…late bday thing.)

By the way, tWIstEd has a website~ I update it whenever I add new chapters to . So it has all the same chapters as FF does, just with a pretty layout and special stuff~ :3

.

_Words from BAD;_

Sup, bitches. Nah, just kidding. You're not bitches. You're my fans, whom I love. :D?

Apparently, tWIstEd has been up on Ushi for more than a year, as **hmrox **pointed out. This thread was born on June 1st, 2008. I know that it's now June 11th, and this is a belated birthday commemoration, but I figure you guys deserve it

Now, let me take this time to say my thank you's.

When i first started tWIstEd, I didn't know it would end up like this. I really never planned on it being so popular. I just did it for fun. .3. Needless to say, I'm pleased. BUT. I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without my fans~

I firstly want to thank those who have stuck with me for a long time. (I'm not going to say any names, but you know who you are.) Most of those people are no longer visiting Ushi, but I'm still grateful. But, new fans deserve thanks too. Actually, any and all of my fans do.

I really wouldn't have been able to make it this far without the support and all~ I can't even say thank you enough.

Well, I do plan on writing a sequel for this~ I have some ideas already planned out and I think it'll be an interesting series...er, yeah. :D

I dont really know what to say (this is a first) so I'll just wrap this fluffy stuff up.

*takes glass* Yosh. Here's to a year filled with bunny killing, threats, crack and best of all, fun? o3o  
Fuck cheers~! *chugs vodka* 8D

**&****&****&**

"Roller has baked a wondrous cake for this celebration!" Roller cheered, setting his cake down on a card table a.k.a their dining area.

The CCCC HQ, which was now what the tree was being called, was buzzing with activity. Roller had just finished baking, Jum was continuously trying to keep the unimportant Sprites in check, Bran and Riviera to name a few, Hops and Tep was rapping on a little stage they set up and Hops was doing all the vicious rapper 'dance' moves. The Crotch Grab proved to be his favorite of all.

_"~When I come up in the club,  
I'm talking mad shit,  
Come up in the club I'm 'bout to get my ass kicked,  
'Cause I'm sippin' on some Gin,  
Sip, Sippin' on some Jack,  
Slip 60 in her panties with my number on the back~"_

Tep yelled into the mic.

"Riviera!" Jum cried, grabbing the smaller Sprite who was about to jump onto the stage with Tep and Hops. "You know how Tep hates it when _crackers _try to act cool."

"Aint Hops a cracker, too?" Riviera argued.

Er, wells~ Hops is an expectation, I guess."

Hops must have heard that because he pranced to the edge of the stage and said to the two, "Tep is my brah. Mah G. He go hard, yo. We gots respect for each other, ya know?"

_"~Punk bitch,  
'Cause I've seen it before,  
Punk bitch,  
And I don't care anymore,  
Punk bitch,  
And I just want you to know,  
Punk bitch~"_

"Aight, I gotta get phunky now. K bye." After hearing Tep sing the chorus, Hops ran back over to the center of the stage and got it on. "I GOT CHU BOI," he called to his buddy.

Riviera shrugged and started to attempt to do the amazing things Hops was doing, but failed. Thankfully, Tep didn't see it.

Roller supposed that singing would be quite fun. Once the song ended, he walked over to the stage. "Oh~ Roller would like to try!" He hopped up the steps.

"Aight dawg," Tep said, handing off the mic to the Sprite in purple.

Hops stayed on stage, planning on dancing to whatever Roller was about to sing.

The room quite as Roller prepared for his performance.

"Track 6," he told Tep, who had taken the job of being DJ.

"Aight," he replied, switching the music.

Roller cleared his throat. "Ahem..."

The music started to play. It was soft and gentle with violin harmonies and the beautiful sounds of a piano. After a few seconds, Roller began,

_"~My love, I have tried with all my being  
to grasp a form comparable to thine own,  
but nothing seems worthy;_

I know now why Shakespeare could not  
compare his love to a summer's day.  
It would be a crime to denounce the beauty  
of such a creature as thee,  
to simply cast away the precision  
God had placed in forging you.

Each facet of your being  
whether it physical or spiritual  
is an ensnarement  
from which there is no release.  
But I do not wish release.  
I wish to stay entrapped forever.  
With you for all eternity.  
Our hearts, always as one~"

When the song ended, the room was completely silent. Well, except for Jum, who was crying over the beautiful words Roller had sung.

Hop had finished his dance. Ballet, more like it, for while Roller was singing, Hops was prancing about the stage in elegant, slow movements to match the rhythm of the song.

No one really knew what to say when the song was over. Roller's act had stunned them all speechless. Roller had a gorgeous voice, but more insane, his entire speech pattern had altered!

Tep was the first to speak up. "Yo. Dat shit was wacker than Jonas Brothers."

He ran to the stage. "Ey, lemme show ya how we G do it." Tep took the mic from Roller. "Ey, Hops, spit me a beat, brah."

"Aight." Hops began making a beat using obscure noises that came from his mouth.

Tep began the rap,

_"~Mah gurl, I aint never seen a chick as fine as you,  
all dem other little hoez aint got shit on you, gurl_

Yo love is sweeter than a fuckin' summah's day  
You so fine it makes me wanna masturbate  
Mn, damn gurl, you was made perfect

Each part of your tight body  
gets me hot  
You stole my body, my soul, my heart, my mind,  
girl how about we fuck all night?  
We could be togetha fo all our lives,  
Cause baby gurl let me tell you,  
You iz fine~!"

Roller stared at Tep, "Uh...Roller thinks we should eat cake now!"

"Oh, aight. I got chu," Tep nodded, sliding his mic into the holder.

"CAKE! CAKE!" Some orange Sprites cried euphorically, running around in a circle, chasing each other. Sooner or later, all other Sprites joined in and they all started running faster until the only thing visible was giant, swirling ring of alternating, rainbow colors.

"Crazy little bitches," Tep rolled his eyes.

Roller cut the cake while whistling the tune of his love song.

Hops smirked. "Jum~ would you like some come cake?"

Jum nodded, "Oh, thank you Ho--"

Hops shoved a piece of cake in Jum's face. Jum just stood there, stunned.

Tep let out a deep laugh. "You played dat bit--"

Hops shoved his face into the actual cake.

Roller shrieked, "Ahh!! Roller is okay! Roller made plenty of spares!" He ran to the kitchen to retrieve a new cake.

**&****&****&**

Rock rolled around on his bed. "Can you believe it, Cliff? I've been famous for over a year! I mean, I knew it would happen one day, but aren't I totally awesome?"

"Uh....." Cliff was stoned again. "Yeah, man."

Rock was high. Not stoned, because stoned implies the use of a drug other than Crass. Crass acted more like caffeine than anything else.

"So I've been thinking," Rock stopped rolling and sat with crossed legs, "I should get my own fanfic. The Crazy Delicious Adventures of The Rock. HURRHURR~ Isn't that awesome?"

"Yeeeeah....Makes you sound, like, stupid."

"What!" Rock jumped up. "Hey Cliff! A shark! That's a shark on your head!!"

Cliff's eyes bugged out. "N-nah...! Nah man...!"

"Yeah, man! It's like, eatin' your brains out and shit!"

"What? Oh god…! Oh god!!"

Cliff grabbed his head and started rolling around on his bed, screaming.

"Oh boy!" Rock jumped up and down. "It's killing you, man!"

"Save me, Rock!!"

"Uh…nah."

"Rock!!" Cliff cried and rolled off the bed.

Rock simply laughed.

"My eyes!!!" Cliff cried. "They're bleeding!"

"Nah man! Those are just your tears! Here, let me help~" Rock jumped off his bed, caused floor to shake and stood over Cliff. "Okay, Imma…Imma kill this bitch alright?"

"Get it offffff!!"

With that, Rock began to kick Cliff, laughing his ass off the whole time.

Cliff started laughing too, even though he was being brutally beaten.

Once Cliff had had enough, he grabbed Rock's leg and threw him into the wall. "Dude….whoa."

"It's peanut butter jelly tiem-tiem-tiem-tiem—" Rock repeated like a broken record.

Cliff stared at him and laughed.

"I think I'll go mess with Lumina now!" Rock wiggled his way over to the door.

"I'mma…like, read porn now," Cliff suggested to himself.

**&****&****&**

"Kaoru, I think it's time we establish that I'm the main character," Miyabi said.

"What are you saying? I think it's obvious that I'm the main character," Kaoru said back, slipping into a chair at their dinner table.

"Psssh. Look, I get all the guys. I get all the action. Main characters always get all the action—therefore, I am the main character."

"I do more things," Kaoru argued confidently. "I find all the Sprites, I make all the money, and I do all the work. So it's pretty obvious that I'm the main character."

"Sex is cooler than farming. Like, who the hell seriously buys Harvest Moon so they can farm? It's all about the babes, Kaoru." Miyabi shifted to sit sideways in her chair.

"I'd play Harvest Moon for the farming…"

"Yeah, that's exactly why you're not the main character."

"I bet people like me more, though," Kaoru said quite casually although she knew how threatening her statement would be to Miyabi.

"Whoa, wait a friggin' minute," Miyabi narrowed her eyes as she growled. "What's so great about you?"

"Well," Kaoru looked up. "I'm intelligent--"

"Me too."

"I'm a hard worker--"

"I work hard in bed. Do you know I'm usually on top?"

"You have sex with _Skye_. It's likely he'd be bottom," Kaoru rolled her eyes. "Anyway…I obviously put my heart into this farm. Just like the Havest Moon DS Cute character should."

"I may not put my heart into anything, but you know where I put my—"

"Miyabi, you don't have a penis. Get over it."

"…I wasn't going to say that hmmpphPENIShmmph."

….

"Right, so, anyway~" Miyabi continued the argument. "I've got humor, a hot bod, skills and a personality. A lot of people here don't have the last one."

Somewhere in the Valley, Celia felt a sting in her chest.

"You're pretty shallow, too," Kaoru scoffed.

"Says the chick who's been in love with Roller then Cliff and now…now probably Sebastian."

"Oh, gross," Kaoru sneered, remembering Sebastian and Romana's S&M games and the horrible moans the old man made during such activities…

"I'll have you know that I'm in love with someone close to my own age, thank you."

Miyabi grinned. "Really? Is it Rick? Gray? Marlin? Rock?"

"I'd rather be shot than fall for _Rock_…" Kaoru grimaced.

"I bet it's Lukina," Miyabi snickered.

Kaoru snickered as well. "Lukina…Yeah no."

"Just go make some food while you wallow in your defeat," Miyabi wagged her hand at Kaoru.

Kaoru stood and walked over to the kitchen. "You know, maybe we won't have to fight over who's the main character. Other than the fact that's it's obviously me, you might not be around for much longer."

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing~"

**&****&****&**

Skye would have loved to spend the day with his girlfriend but Won had begged him to party at Zach's.

Zach was out of the night, helping Lilia search for Rick, who had mysteriously gone missing. Not that anyone cared or anything.

Skye decided to cook curry for the anniversary celebration. He was preparing that.

"Ohohoho!" Won laughed, pumping his glass up in the air. It was obvious that he was getting drunk. "One year and I still better than fatass Van!

Skye smiled in response. Oh, it was true. Even though Van had Roller, Won had Skye, and Skye was a much better villain than little Roller. (Although Roller was pretty bad ass.)

"Even though he think he can outdo me…he cannot!" Won exclaimed optimistically. "I have best skills. I have resources. I have best everything~!"

"That you do," Skye said, the smile still in his voice even though he knew that Van was involved in a serious drug operation. He wasn't about to tell Won that now. No, that'd ruin the mood.

Won nodded and took a swig of his wine, which Skye had stolen from earlier that day.

Well, it hadn't been hard because since the two were both dead, all he had to do was kind of walk in there and just take things.

"You know Skye, I been thinking…"

"What's that, Won?"

The Rainbow Curry was almost done.

"This has been one crazy year!"

"Sure has," Skye said, remembering all the adventures he had had since meeting Miyabi. The sexual adventures, yes, but also the little one where he sort of maybe actually killed Carter.

"Like how I sell so much to Black Market, and like how I rip people off, and like how I sold you pictures on black market…"

"Hehe, what was that right then, Won?"

"Oh! Nothing!"

"It's just that I've been getting calls from strange men…They've been saying that they know me but I haven't met them in my life…"

Won laughed nervously, "Oh no no! Not to worry!"

"Okay…it was just bothering me, but of course, I'll be fine." Skye scooped the curry onto the plates and carried them over to the table.

"Yes, yes, not to worry. Worry is bad!" Won laughed and opened another bottle of wine.

"You know me, Won. I never worry over something for too long~" He set the plates down and took a seat.

When Won spotted the dish, he shrieked and fell back in his chair.

"Won?" Skye laughed uneasily.

"Demon! Ghost! Aaaah! Evil spirit!" He continued to shriek, pointing at the dish.

"What? No, not at all!" Skye gasped.

"Ghost of my gay ancestor!" He cried.

"What are you saying, you drunk man?"

Skye rushed to remove the plates from the table. He was successful in removing his plate, but Won had found an axe lying about and started to hack at his curry dish with it.

"Be gone!! Beg one!!"

Skye was appalled and frightened. Never had he seen Won like this before!

"Calm down—Won…don't point that thing at my gorgeous face—WON!"

Won had stopped hacking at the plate and now ran wildly at Skye, axe up and ready to swing.

Needless to say, Skye bolted. He ran right through the door, not even bothering to open it but knocking it down, and Won chased after him like a wild beast ready for the kill.

**&****&****&**

"CELIER, yer makin' dem turkies?!" Vesta hollered from the couch.

"Yes sir," Celia said from the kitchen.

"Dat's damn right you 're!" Vesta growled and continued watching CMT.

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

"Get the dam der, Celier!"

Sighing happily, Celia skipped over to the door and opened it.

"M-Marlin…."

Yes, it was Marlin. He had finally returned. The last time anyone had seen him was when…when he killed that one man and then ran off. That had been months ago, or something!

Marlin's facial expression was as dead as usual, but now he looked like a downright cold hearted murderer. What was that smeared all over his shirt? It…it must be ketchup and definitely not blood, right? The knife in his hand was just to carve a turkey with, no doubt!

"Come in," Celia squeaked.

"CELIER! Who da hell youz lettin' in mai house, ya dam ho?!" Vesta growled, not bothering to turn and look, for turning her neck would be a difficult task.

Marlin stepped in, his eyes wandering around as if he was expecting to see someone in the room—someone he feared.

Celia shut the door behind him and smiled. "We're just about to have dinner. Would you like to join us?"

"Celier! You answer my damn question or I'mma cut cher wages, ya hear?!"

"Marlin has returned!" Celia exclaimed.

Vesta finally turned then did a double take.

"MA-MARLIN?!" Vesta then jumped up, almost falling over and causing the whole to crumble due to the impact of her fall since that had actually happened many times before…

"Marlin! Where da hell you been?!" She growled, stomping over to her long lost brother of sorts.

"The police haven't been 'round here?" Marlin ignored Vesta.

"Why, of course not! You murdered the only policeman in Harvest Moon," Celia giggled.

"Must hide," Marlin grunted, slipping underneath the table.

Celia began to lick up the blood on the floor, which suspiciously appeared to have dripped from Marlin's boots.

"Wait one DAMN minute, Marlin," Vesta hissed, stomping over to the table. "You keel a man, then you ran off and leave me with no telamabishion, disappear for FIFTEEN YEARS and now come back thinkin' ya can seek refuge here?!"

"Fifteen years? He wasn't gone for fifteen years…" Celia frowned.

"SHEDDUP!" Vesta roared and picked up the dining table. "You aint hidin' here! Youz getting on mah telamabishon and getting' me some NASCAR!"

"Never!" Marlin cried and jumped Vesta.

The two battled it out, biting, gnawing, punching, kicking and tearing at each other most viciously. They fell over furniture, broke chairs, and smashed household items until finally Marlin was able to push the bulky Vesta into her beloved TV.

Vesta had cracked the glass, bent the frame and altogether trashed the entire thing. Once she realized this, she gasped a horrid gasp and Marlin just stared at her while breathing heavily.

"Mah…MAH TELAMABISHION!!" She screamed and began to sob, causing the house to slowly flood.

Celia ran up to her room before she was caught up in this mess as well.

"Serves you right, you damned cow!" Marlin cried, running into the kitchen.

He threw open the oven door, pulled the steaming hot turkey out with his bare hands and ran out of the house, hollering something about a Most Wanted list.

**&****&****&**

"Mary," Gray swallowed. "We should stop hanging around each other."

"W-well what do you mean? Oh, Gray. You can't be serious," Mary whined.

"Over the course of the year, I've realized that we could never be together…it's not you…well, actually, it is you…" Gray looked at the ground.

Mary was quite stunned. She had been turned down by every man she had ever asked out, which was every man in town, including her own father.

"Gray, you are simply blinded by the foggy clouds that are your feelings. Look around us, Gray."

Gray looked. He saw…books. Shelves. More books.

"This is where you belong; with me. We can venture to wondrous lands through the pages of these books. We can spend summer's nights here, alone, naked. Oh, it would be wonderful. Gray, there isn't a man that I'd rather get naked with—"

"Mary, you're freaking me out." Gray backed away just a foot or two.

"Don't you see, Gray?"

"No, I don't see. I don't even friggin' wanna see."

"Your heart is aching. Let me mend the wounds your lonely, emo life has plagued you with," she took a few steps close to him as she said this.

"No, seriously. I don't like you, okay?" Gray said, getting irritated.

"Yes you do~"

"No I fucking don't! Mary, I liked you at first, but now…now you disgust me!" Gray shouted.

Mary gasped. She started at Gray as if he had just stabbed her in the heart, which he might as well down because that's what it felt like.

"G-Gray….YOU JACKASS!" She cried, giving him a decent bitch slap. "I offer my hear t to you and you—and you---BLLAAAARGHHHH."

Once again, a sick spell came over Mary and caused her to vomit that acidic green substance.

Gray would be been eroded to death, had he not jumped out of the way in time.

"You see! That's what I mean!" he cried.

Mary glared at him with blood shot eyes and charged; charged right for him, mouth open and ready to dump that horrid poison all over her betrayer.

"You asshole! I throw myself at you and you push me to the ground! Ugnh!!! How unromantic! BLARGH!"

Gray ran for his life.

**&****&****&**

"Why the hell is everyone in this fanfic running?" Miyabi scoffed.

"I don't know," Koaru replied. "But you'll be running in a moment. Hehehe~"

"Yeah. What you just did? Don't do it again."

**&****&****&**

"Pour me a drink, Pedo."

Pedobear titled the wine bottle and let the liquid slide into Van's glass, which wasn't really a glass since normal sized things weren't big enough for Van. No, Van usually drank out of a bowl.

With squinted eyes, the large blubber like creature stared out the window of the Chinese buffet, eyeing the children running around happily at the daycare center next door. He smiled to himself.

"When those brats get me my marijuana, I'll buy out that daycare. Then all those little children will be under my care~ I'll own them. Isn't that fabulous?"

Pedobear shivered with pleasure and developed an erection.

Van laughed hardily and started on his eighty-fifth plate of rice.

**&****&****&**

Later that night, a party was held at the Villa.

Lukina hosted it and he had sent Romana and Sebastian to their S&M cellar so everyone could enjoy the night without having two horny hags around to bother them.

Lukina decided to invite his 'friends.' Although he didn't exactly like Miyabi or Kaoru, he figured he might as well invite them. He also invited Rock and Cliff.

Skye had somehow managed to run from Won and make it there as a surprise.

After eating cake, which Kaoru had mysteriously provided, they decided to play random ass party games and get drunk.

They played Pin the Tail on the Donkey but Rock ended up stabbing Cliff in the ass with the pin on accident.

Then they tried Twister, which Miyabi managing to grope every guy's crotch during. Besides, the only flexible person there was Kaoru but she refused to play since it looked like everyone was having an orgy, falling on top of each other and all.

Of course, with Lukina drunk, as well as everyone else intoxicated as well, no one argued when Miyabi suggested they play Spin the Bottle.

Miyabi somehow managed to kiss every guy there, including Lukina. When Rock laughed and called Miyabi a lesbian, she nearly ripped his bajinger off. Miyabi also managed to mysteriously make it so her boyfriend ended up kissing Rock.

Oh yeah, and Kaoru didn't get any because Miyabi would throw the bottle down the hall whenever it landed on the poor blond.

Then strip poker started, but because everyone was shit faced, they just started undressing. Even Lukina had removed his clothes, but everyone was too drunk to notice he had a penis.

Finally, things started to die down.

"Jzzzzzzzzz Skye baby…." Miyabi droned, lying on her back and staring at the ceiling, just as everyone else was doing.

"Yesssu angel…?"

"let's…fuck."

"Kay."

"Orgy plz."

"Uh. Kay."

"I…I HAD SEX WITH THE OCEAN!"

"Sheddup Rock…we been knowin'…"

"I wonder whut Stacy is up to," Kaoru said with a smile. "Animals…3"

"I…I'm gay," Cliff also smiled.

"I'm a transvestite…from Transsexual Transylvania…!" Lukina exclaimed.

"I had sex with the ocean! Aaaaand made…fish babies!"

Just then the front door was thrown open.

"Hello, I heard there was a party going on and since I don't have work tonight—"

Doctor Trent was at the door, expecting to see an elegant anniversary party but instead saw six naked people lying on their backs in the living room, all of them drunk as hell and nearly passed out.

"…Fuck."


End file.
